Nikki Bella has a new tell-all where she tells all. According to her, she was sexually assaulted as a teenager TWICE, and the aftermath of her rapes ruined her.  On both accounts, she felt compelled to keep quiet because of shame, which she hopes girls would not feel anymore when they are done wrong. 

In her and Brie Bella's memoir, entitled "Incomparable," Nikki Bella bravely shared what she has been keeping for years - the shame and pain she felt after she was raped as a teen. She wrote that she had a controlling dad who was abusive and strict as well. As a result, she was not allowed to speak with

boys. However, when her parents divorced when she was at her developmental age of 15, the WWE Hall of Famer shared that she lost her virginity without her consent. She lost it "on the floor of a Hyatt hotel room on the 4th of July," she wrote. Bella added that the word "lost" is quite inaccurate because her virginity was in fact, stolen from her. She was raped by a guy she thought was her friend while she was passed out during a party. 

She discussed how she got into the situation. Unfortunately she was raped because she had too many beers and some shots of hard alcohol that made her passed out. She only woke up because she was feeling some pain in her stomach only to realize that some guy was both on top of her and insider of her. She panicked and pushed him off. While running out of the room, the guy even followed her down the hall. He then asked if it meant they were already boyfriend-girlfriend. It was so surreal and so "f-cked up" that she never thought to call the police or told anyone. Like most rape survivors, she chose to keep silent because saying it out loud would make it true and a fact, and she did not want that. 

What made the whole thing so vile is that her rapist did not even think he did something wrong. He just thought that with the act, he already had "official and full access" to her and meant she was already his. He knew he would not get into trouble. The thought enrages Nikki Bella even at present. 

"I get enraged even writing about this now. I know I was not the only girl in our high school who was violated like that and then expected to shrug it off the next day-this is what it was like," she wrote.

The "Total Bellas" star wrote that she truly pray and wish that girls these days know better - that they can tell if they are violated in any way. 

The thing is, she was raped a second time, just a few months after. She and her friend attended a modeling competition in California and was invited by some guys into their hotel room. Nikki went even though her guts told her not to. Her drink got spiked, and one of the guys bashed her head against the sink. When she came into her senses, she hit her attacker and fled. She found her best friend back in their room, who was also raped and hysterical. 

Her friend's mom had to help her calm down. Ultimately, both of them did not tell the police. 

Nikki shared that she did not tell anyone that her mom would find out the rape through this book. Nikki added that when the second rape happened, she, her friend, and her friend's mom were all shamed not to tell. Her friend's mom felt guilty for failing to protect them while Nikki and her friend felt they were also somehow responsible for what happened to them. 

These incidents made her realize why the MeToo movement is such a crucial movement. "The #MeToo movement both enthralls me with its potential and reminds me why rape and sexual assault are a double slap for women," concludes Nikki.

Her book will be out on May 5, she shared on her Instagram. At present, she is striving to be healthy while pregnant. 

 

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