By Alyssa Goldman, EnStarz | Oct 05, 2012 03:29 PM EDT
During Nicole Scherzinger's career as a former lead singer of the "Pussycat Dolls" and as a solo artist, she has worn tight, sexy and revealing outfits. To onlookers, the 34-year-old, always seemed like a confident woman. But she was hiding a big secret during her seven years in the "Pussycat Dolls": she struggled with bulimia.
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In her VH1 "Behind the Music" special (airing October 7), she talks for the first time about the eating disorder that consumed her life.
"It's embarrassing. I never spoke about it. Like I said, I never want to play a victim, and I never wanted my family to hear about things from me because I think it would break their heart, you know," Scherzinger said, according to Us Weekly. "I guess it was like my addiction, right? I never did drugs, but kinda doing things to myself was my addiction. It's like when I got off stage, I was on this high, and I'd come back to my room and I'd be alone, so I would just do things. My bulimia was my addiction; hurting myself was my addiction."
Scherzinger -- who released her debut solo album, "Killer Love" in 2011 -- said would make herself throw up "everyday" for "years" especially, whenever she was alone.
Now, Scherzinger leads a healthy lifestyle. According to Shape magazine, Scherzinger she exercises four times a week, doing both strength and cardio workouts with Adam Ernster, her Beverly Hills-based trainer.
Scherzinger has a better relationship with food as well. She previously told Glamour magazine, "I don't really believe in diets. I love food...If I deprive myself, I'm going to want it more. I snack on yogurt, raw cashews and cherry tomatoes."
During her Vh1 "Behind the Music" special, she admitted that she "probably did 95 percent" of the singing for the "Pussycat Dolls" debut album "on my own."
"I hope I don't get in trouble for the stuff that I say, but I'll never forget I finished the album, "PCD," and [executive producer Ron Fair] and I brought the girls into the studio and we played it for them. It was the first time they'd ever heard the music," she said in her TV interview, according to Us Weekly.
However, she claimed her five ex- bandmates are "like my sisters."
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