Sep 13, 2017 08:16 AM EDT By Lindsay Cronin

Yolanda Hadid Lyme Disease: Former 'RHOBH' Speaks Of Kids After Suicide Revelation

What kept Yolanda Hadid from taking her life amid her struggles with Lyme disease?

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Yolanda Hadid spoke of suicidal thoughts in her new book, Believe Me: My Battle With the Invisibility of Lyme Disease.

"God please just take me away in a wave,” she wrote in the memoir as she recalled the painful struggles of her five-year battle with Lyme disease.

As Hadid explained, the moment was one of her darkest times and, as she dealt with symptoms such as joint pain and anxiety, she was forced to remain in bed for up to 22 hours.

“I just was hopeless and didn’t see how I was going to get out of the dark hole,” Hadid recalled during a September 12 interview with Us Weekly magazine. “I wanted to die, but the next second, I looked at a picture of my sweet kids. They are my reason for fighting.”

As fans may recall, the former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star's two youngest children, Bella Hadid, 20, and Anwar Hadid, 18, were diagnosed with Lyme disease years ago and because of that, Hadid has become further dedicated to raising awareness and attempting to find a cure for the illness.

“My greatest gift would be if I can find the cure before I leave this planet so they can live a life they deserve,” she said.

Of her ongoing health battle, Hadid admitted that she's learned to adapt to her symptoms after surrending to the crippling illness.

"You know, you just have to surrender,” she explained. "I just had to surrender, like the first year, I fought it every day and I would be miserable about being miserable. At some point you just learn to surrender to your path. This obviously was my path for five years and the healing clock is, you know, the universe's time and not on my time."

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