Tami Roman of VH1’s Basketball Wives LA has opened up even more about her unfortunate miscarriage.

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The reality star revealed just how painful it was to hear that she and her boyfriend Reggie Youngblood would not be parents to a newborn in just a few months as they planned.

She took to her Instagram to pen an open letter to fans over the weekend.

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“As I sat trying to find the reason, the why, the how come…I remained at a loss for words. My emotions were high and my spirit was low. i don’t think anyone will understand the sadness that I felt. All I wanted to do was share a positive moment with the man I love. i couldn’t stop crying and asking God why…then a stillness came over me, a quiet simple peace. What I’m about to say will seem undoubtedly strange, but it made perfect sense to me.”

She went on to reveal that she miscarried what would have been her third child on her mother’s birthday. Her mother passed away two years ago, before she began dating Youngblood. She then reached a point where she realized that she is being taught “a lesson in love and loss.”

“This is another test of my faith and my strength. I got to a place of eerie calm, believing the spirit of my unborn child is with my mom. I don’t know, it made me feel better believing that a part of me is keeping her company.”

She said she also learned how much she would love to have another child and even be a “better mother” to her two daughters from a previous relationship.

She went on to encourage older women who want to have children and said, “I plan to show you with God’s help, that it can be done.”

She ended by thanking her family and fans for their prayers and support.