The 49-year-old rapper and singer gets candid with GQ mag’s latest issue on his confession of an alleged sexual abuse during her younger days.
R Kelly dishes out his past sexual abuse way back in 2012 in his memoir, Soulacoaster, and reveals that the woman who allegedly regularly abused him since he was "about [age] 7 or 8 to maybe 14, 15" is a blood relative.
"I remember it feeling weird. I remember feeling ashamed," he says. "I remember closing my eyes or keeping my hands over my eyes. I remember those things, but couldn't judge it one way or the other fully."
Thought his past story might have been very difficult for him but somehow it has challenged him in ways they may, or may not, have shaped who he has become.
"Over time, yeah, [it changed]," he continues. "I remember actually, after a couple of years, looking forward to it sometimes. You know, acting like I didn't, but did."
According to Entertainment Tonight, Kelly reveals that those reported abuses eventually stopped when he got a girlfriend.
"I started getting older and knowing that's just not supposed to happen -- family members," he reflects. "And I think it started getting scary for them because I just started acting really different about it, and I think it became a turnoff to them, and a scary thing."
Looking back, the "Ignition" singer was also publicly accused of multiple sexual offenses with underage women, and who stood trial for making child pornography. According to GQ mag, he was eventually acquitted of that charge, and his career has continued uninterrupted, but for the most part he has evaded even the most basic questions that might help people understand what is true about him.
After all the challenges that the singer had gone through, he has now definitely moved on and with a good career ahead of him, there’s nothing more he could asked for.
"As I'm older, I look at it and I know that it had to be not just about me and them, but them and somebody older than them when they were younger, and whatever happened to them when they were younger," he says. "I looked at it as if there was a sort of like, I don't know, a generational curse, so to speak, going down through the family. Not just started with her doing that to me."
Moreover, the alleged had greatly affected him, but in some ways it also taught him a lesson.
"It teaches you to definitely be sexual earlier than you should have, than you're supposed to," he says.
"You know, no different than putting a loaded gun in a kid's hand -- he gonna grow up being a shooter, probably. I think it affects you tremendously when that happens at an early age. ... Your hormones are up more than they would normally be. Mine was."