Chrissy Teigen is sharing more details about the tragedy of losing her son Jack at 20 weeks pregnant.

She never really hid anything about it, but only through social media. This time in a whole essay, she divulged more about the emotional turmoil she and husband John Legend were thrusted into after the miscarriage. 

Saying Goodbye To Jack 

In an essay posted on Medium--which cannot be described in any way but heartbreaking--the model and cookbook author shared what it was like being diagnosed "with partial placenta abruption," recounting her emotions and thoughts the moment "it was time to say goodbye" to her baby the next day because the doctors could no longer do anything. 

"We had tried bags and bags of blood transfusions, every single one going right through me like we hadn't done anything at all," Teigen wrote. "Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning. I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness." 

Like most people grieving, recalling the day of losing the loved one is still as painful. "Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again," she wrote. "Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness," referring to the first IG photo she shared the moment she lost Jack. 

In hindsight, Chrissy knew keeping the baby would have been quite the miracle because of her her partial placenta abruption. With that condition, Teigen wrote that the doctors knew Jack would have never survived. Telling her to undergo a complete bed rest was just a way to help the fetus make it to the "safer" zone of 28 weeks. If the baby is able to reach that time,Teigen would've received epidural so she can be induced to deliver already. 

Unfortunately, the baby only reached 20 weeks before Teigen started bleeding excessively, leading to an emergency hospital visit. 

John Legend's Reaction on Taking Miscarriage Pictures

When she miscarried, she did not hide it. In no time at all, fans already knew from her about the tragedy. Chrissy explained what she and Legend were feeling in an IG post, complete with a black and white photo of her crying.  

Majority of the fans rushed to the comments section to comfort her, but there were some who took the time to bash her for even taking pictures of the sad day and posting on social media--accusing her of caring more about her Instagram than the baby she lost.

Teigen wrote about the whole thing now in her essay, not defending herself, but defending Legend.

 

According to Teigen, documenting it was crucial for her. She's not the person to just keep stock of positive things happening to her, but also the negative. She said that the memory of losing Jack was as important as all the other important but happy moments in her life.

Legend did not want to take the picture, but he did it because he knew it was important for her. 

"He hated it. I could tell," Teigen said. "It didn't make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after [son Miles Theodore, 2, and daughter Luna Simone, 4½]. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story."

As for the haters who cannot keep their opinions to themselves, Teigen said she could not express enough how much she does not care about them. 

Teigen's essay is long but full of things moms and couples who might have gone through the same thing to learn. She posted it on her IG as well. 

  

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