I'm Like 93 Percent Sure Gywneth Paltrow's New Goop 'Sex Bod' Thing Is Actually A Dastardly Plot
I really thought we were done hearing about Goop after the vagina candles.
Given the company's history, though, I don't know why on Earth I thought that.
Today, Gwyneth Paltrow's controversial company Goop is making headlines - or, well, Twitter trends - for something else, though; a new documentary on Netflix that goes into detail about, among other things, a form of sex therapy that is illegal in 49 states.
The practice, called sexological bodywork, or "sex bod" for short (also known as somatic sexual education), involves a medical practitioner touching and possibly penetrating a client's genitals in order to help with sexual issues, both mental and physical. It's illegal in every state except California, not because it's considered dangerous, but because it's considered sex work.
It's worth noting here that most medical professionals agree that, when following a strict code of ethics that focuses on informed consent at every juncture, sex bod is not only safe, but extremely helpful and therapeutic, especially for those people for whom simple talk therapy is not enough to overcome their issues. The engaged couple in Sex, Love, and Goop, Chandra and Camille, both saw success with it; Chandra for the pain she would experience during penetration, and Camille for mental blocks and an inablity to ask for what she wanted in the bedroom. It actually sounds like a very helpful new therapy practice, and like it could help a lot of people.
'But wait,' you ask me, 'If you think it's so great, what was up with that headline?' Well, I'm glad you asked.
Paltrow may be helping these women, but I think she has a secret plan in mind. This documentary makes her and her sexological bodywork look very attractive to women facing sexual roadblocks, which will probably call more of them to do it - just like she wants. Once they're there being sex-bodded, she can sneak in and steal some of the, eherm...pheremones these ladies produce for use in her widely known vagina candles.
Think about it: We all know she needs to diversify her candle game. She made one popular scent? Big deal. She may have "this candle smells like my vagina," but Bath & Body Works comes out with dozens of delectable new candle scents every year. If she wants to keep the interest in her womanly wax (I know, I'm sorry, it could have been worse), she's gonna have to add some variety, and she knows it.
So be warned: If you get sex bod work done in association with Gwyneth Paltrow or Goop, you'll probably feel better after...but you also may have your essence stolen by Pepper Potts.
I'm onto you, Gwyneth.