It seems like every time we turn around, someone new is throwing their hat into the race to become the next leader of the free world-the President of the United States. So far, the count is up to ridiculous with a total of 58 candidates running (20 3rd Party/Independent, 24 Republicans, and 14 Democrats) and it'll keep rising just like the mercury in those thermometers (which no one should have any more by the way) until there are a solid few with the most dividends to convince the American public that they are what we need in 2016.
After this month, there is one candidate that most of us can agree should stay as far away from the White House as Chris Christie should stay away from Golden Corral-Donald Trump. This guy really approached the podium in you guessed it, the Trump Tower in New York City-because no other venue exists-to announce his run for president in 2016 as a Republican.
While there are a slew of reasons larger than his bank account to give on why not to vote for this man (and after what he said in his speech about the Mexican population, Univision and NBC would agree), the list has been narrowed down to five. That's right, five (which you can read in your best Count von Count voice) reasons not to vote for businessman Donald J. Trump.
The first and probably most obvious is the one we all see and think when referring to Donald Trump-the baby orangutan that sits atop his egomaniacal head. Throughout American history, there have been a few presidents with questionable choices in barbers (check out George Washington, John Adams and Martin van Buren) but it would absolutely be heinous for Americans to vote someone president who cannot even get the hair on his head to follow his policies.
He’s A Horrible Boss
Number two, Mr. Trump would probably follow the rules of his reality show The Apprentice and make a dramatic show of firing his staff members. The White House is stressful enough without worrying about whether or not you're going to be fired over the boss firing you because he didn’t like how an article about him turned out. Last year, Trump fired political advisor Sam Nunberg for arranging interviews and access to his campaign for BuzzFeed reporter McKay Coppins, who ended up titling his piece “36 Hours On The Fake Campaign Trail With Donald Trump.” A screw up? For sure. But then again maybe Trump could have done a better job trying to appeal to the millennial news site. Also, if he's going to fire someone EVERYTIME a reporter write something about him that he doesn't like...well, then the executive branch is going to run out of employees FAST.
His Horrible Decorating Taste
Here's another one for you a complete renovation of the White House. We know what a mogul Trump's name is in the city of New York and formerly Atlantic City, this guy does it big and gaudy. One minute it's the historical White House and the next it's lined with red carpets, marble floors and gold crown molding, not to mention a gold plated toilet in each bathroom because everyone should handle their business in luxury. Right after the induction Robin Leach would be at the ready to inform guests how he's living. MTV Cribs has nothing on this man! The pictures of former presidents would be replaced with pictures of him and his royal brood and the Oval Office would be turned into a casino. It's really his world; he just gives us permission to live in it.
He’d Probably Appoint His Kids
The nepotism is real with the great orange top, and when it comes to business, it involves his family. The baby Trumps are coming up and it's only natural for them to receive their just desserts. We started out only seeing their faces once in a blue moon on his reality show, now they are regular staples in the board room, switching out fan-favorites George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher. Ivanka has her own aspirations as well, but it's clear where her loyalty lies after the introduction of her pops' speech last Tuesday. There really was no denying who her father is by her face and also her words. If there was a drinking game for how many times she said the phrase "my father," hospitals would be packed to the gills. Between her and the rest of the lot, the House would be full of Trumps making some interesting decisions for the rest of the country to deal with, and it may not mean anyone gets admission to their luxury spas and golf courses.
We’d Rather See His Wife As Candidate
If you really still need more reasons not to make this guy your president, here goes. The final reason this guy shouldn't be in the White House is because we'd all much rather see his wife Melania Trump run the country than him. Objectifications are not cool at all, but let's think about it for a second. Melania is 45 years old and still gorgeous. She could still walk a catwalk any day. She could be his spokeswoman for everything. OK, this one is turning into a reason to vote for him but how about if we convince Melania to have her own presidential campaign? Granted, she's not American born, but is that really an issue at this point? If we gave President Obama all that strife over his birth certificate, can't we just say Mrs. Trump is American born without actually meaning it, that happens lots of times right?