Drew Barrymore opened up to the February 2014 issue of Marie Claire about her relationship -- or lack thereof -- with her mother Jaid, detailing why they have remained estranged over the years.
The 38-year-old -- who has been married to art consultant Will Kopelman since 2012 and is pregnant with their second child -- has had a rocky relationship with her mother ever since she was a child.
"Ugh, I mean, my relationship with my mom is so complicated," the actress said.
The E.T. star entered rehab at age 14 in the late 1980s and at 15, successfully petitioned for juvenile emancipation from her parents. She moved into her own apartment and her relationship with Jaid, now 67, has been troubled ever since. Drew's father, John Drew Barrymore, died at age 72 back in 2004.
"I've always been empathetic toward my mom, and I was even more so when I had a kid and we had a really amazing conversation about it," the designer told the magazine. "However, [becoming a mom] hasn't enabled me to lessen the distance. It's the hardest subject in my life. I've never just been angry with her. I've always felt guilt and empathy and utter sensitivity. But we can't really be in each other's lives at this point."
Barrymore discussed her troubled upbringing even deeper, saying, "When I was a kid, everything was so unplanned, my parents were so erratic, and my world was so inconsistent."
"I was 14 when I moved into my own apartment. I was so scared. I didn't know anything," said the producer, who is mother to Olive, 15 months. "I didn't know you had to throw food out when it rotted in the fridge. I was convinced someone was going to crawl through my window. I would go to the Laundromat and sit there reading Anne Sexton, Sylvia Plath."
Though she cherishes her friendships now, she said, "I hated growing up alone. I hated it."
"I don't f--- anyone over. My friends are the loves my life."