Reality star Brandi Glanville confessed she still struggles with her ex-husband, Eddie Cibrian's, affair with LeAnn Rimes that ended their marriage.

Thursday Glanville tweeted a letter she wrote on her friend Jennifer Gimenez's site SoberBook.com, an anonymous forum for those facing issues with alcohol.

In the article she wrote, "Four and a half years after my betrayal, I still battle with depression and trust issues. I survived my heartbreak, but I will be dealing with the damage it caused for the rest of my life."

Glanville continued and said her children, 10-year-old Mason and Jake, 6, are the ones who keep her together when they're around. But when they leave, her alter ego and party girl side comes out.

"My soul is happy... Then the inevitable happens...they leave me," she wrote. "My big, chaotic house is silent. I hear crickets chirping and that feeling of falling back into darkness it took me so long to come out of hits me. [Now,] here comes the other fifty percent of my personality: fun, single, party girl Brandi."

Glanville admits that while "party girl Brandi" might be more fun, she has a love hate relationship with that side of herself and claims that's the part of her who makes the most mistakes. However, she said it's that half of her personality that stops her from wallowing in a depressing phase.

She also encouraged readers not to beat themselves up after making a mistake.

"Learn to ask for help when you need it and know that the people that sit back and judge us, pretending to be perfect, are usually the most messed up of all," she wrote.

Glanville recently had an appearance on 'Bethenny' and said something good that came out of the divorce was Cibrian being a better father.

Tags: Brandi Glanville