Losing a child is already painful for Chrissy Teigen, but she has more regrets about the traumatic experience that happened.
Months after she lost her child Jack, Teigen publicly spoke about it again and recalled the regrettable moment she still endures until now.
On her Instagram account, the 35-year-old Sports Illustrated model admitted that until now, she regrets not looking at his son's face when he was born.
"I am so full of regret that I didn't look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse," Teigen wrote.
Because of this, Teigen admitted that she may never be able to watch the music video again without crying.
At the end of her post, she expressed how much she loves and misses Jack. Last week marked what would have been her son's arrival, making the moment more emotional for her.
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Meanwhile, in her recent virtual interview on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, she spoke about how the traumatic experience changed her life.
According to Chrissy Teigen, she still undergoes therapy to finally feel better--little by little.
"I go through my closet and I see, there are outfits. There are full maternity clothes and things that I bought for my eighth month and my ninth month," she said.
These reminders reportedly make everything a little harder for her, especially since Jack would have been born last week.
As she continuously struggles, being a Thai and being raised in a family that has been open about loss somewhat help her cope with the tragic changes.
Despite the heartbreaking event, Teigen tries to see the brighter side of it. When she learned that some losses can be beautiful, she realized that it can be transformative for her part.
Per Teigen, losing her child saved her since she does not think she needed therapy. After her pregnancy loss, she somewhat felt good about herself as if she is a new person after all the things that happened.
"[But] you really gain this incredible amount of empathy. And I really, somehow, think I am a better person now. I just have the best support system ever," the former Sports Illustrated model went on.