Hayden Panettiere is speaking about feeling "guilt ridden" after losing custody of her daughter Kaya, opening up about the emotional pain tied to her struggles with addiction and postpartum depression.

The "Nashville" alum, 36, said she felt unable to care for her daughter during that period and has since reflected on how difficult that time was. She shares Kaya with her former fiancé, Wladimir Klitschko, and gave up full custody in 2018 after their split.

According to PageSix, during a panel discussion for her memoir "This Is Me: A Reckoning" in West Hollywood, Panettiere said outside comments made the experience even harder.

"The worst thing that somebody said to me is that it was a personal choice that I was making," she said.

She pushed back on that idea, saying, "Who would choose to feel like this? Like, how could you even say that to me? This beautiful child is healthy and everything to celebrate. And I'm completely incapable of doing it. I felt so guilt ridden that I was incapable of doing it."

Her words highlighted how overwhelmed she felt at the time of becoming a mother while dealing with serious personal challenges.

Hayden Panettiere Recalls Painful Airport Moment

Panettiere also recalled a painful moment in an airport years ago when she was walking to her gate and saw a magazine cover with the headline, "Why Hayden Panettiere Gave Up Her Daughter."

She said seeing it felt like "you might as well have taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart," explaining that she would have done anything for her daughter despite the situation, Yahoo reported.

She added that she was devastated by how the public story was framed at the time. The actress also spoke about signing custody paperwork, a moment she described as extremely painful. She said her father was with her at the time, and that she had to hold back her emotions even as people around her watched and witnessed the signing.

"I have to be a little careful. I want to make sure I continue to have a beautiful relationship with my daughter," she said, adding that "sometimes it's not an option."

She recalled sitting in a restaurant where several witnesses unexpectedly arrived and were watching, and hearing them laughing and chuckling while she gritted her teeth to avoid breaking down. She later locked herself in a restaurant bathroom to process the moment.

Tags
Hayden Panettiere, Memoir