Lady Gaga says she is "lucky to be alive" after battling a severe mental health crisis that led her to cancel a world tour and seek psychiatric care.

The 39-year-old singer and actress, born Stefani Germanotta, revealed in a new interview, as per Rolling Stone, that she experienced years of instability during a period when she was releasing hit albums, starring in films such as A Star Is Born and House of Gucci, and winning major awards.

"There was one day that my sister said to me, 'I don't see my sister anymore.' And I canceled the tour," Gaga said. "There was one day I went to the hospital for psychiatric care. I needed to take a break. I couldn't do anything... I completely crashed. It was really scary. There was a time where I didn't think I could get better.... I feel really lucky to be alive."

Sources close to Gaga's tour production told RadarOnline.com that her mental health crisis had been escalating for years. "People forget how fragile she was behind the scenes. She was working through trauma, exhaustion, and pressure that would have broken anyone," one source said. "Looking back, it scares us. She came close to losing herself."

Gaga also shared that she dealt with panic attacks during her current Mayhem Ball tour, describing how she must manage them during the dramatic opening of her shows.

"I see all the fans," she said, "and I'm in this big dress, and the music is so loud and it's very dramatic... and for 90 seconds, I have to talk myself out of a panic attack."

She admitted that during some of her lowest moments, she was smoking weed all day and drinking two bottles of wine daily. Gaga also revealed she filmed "A Star Is Born" while taking lithium.

Central to her recovery has been the support of her fiancé, entrepreneur Michael Polansky, 42. "Being in love with someone that cares about the real me made a very big difference," Gaga said. A source familiar with her recent work added, "He grounded her. She needed someone who saw Stefani, not the global brand. Without that stability, I don't know if she would have found her way back."

After years of struggle, Gaga said she has reclaimed her artistic identity with her latest album Mayhem. "It was months and months and months of rediscovering everything that I'd lost," she said. "And I honestly think that's why it's called Mayhem. Because what it took to get it back was crazy."

Originally published on Music Times

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