David Archuleta says he once believed it would be better to end his life than live openly as a queer man while trying to follow the teachings of the Mormon faith.

The former "American Idol" runner-up, now in his mid-30s, has revisited his darkest moments in a new memoir and recent interviews, explaining how years of trying to change his sexuality to fit church doctrine pushed him toward suicidal thoughts.

He has said that during this period, he even looked for potential places where he could end his life, a sign of how desperate and cornered he felt while trying to obey religious rules and deny his attraction to men, according to People.

Archuleta, who grew up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, recalls being taught that acting on same-sex attraction could put his soul in danger, which left him feeling trapped between his faith and who he is. At one point, he reasoned that God would forgive him more easily for dying by suicide than for living as a gay or queer person, a belief he now describes as the product of intense spiritual and emotional pressure.

He first publicly came out as queer in 2021, sharing on social media that he had experienced same-sex attraction for years while trying to remain devout. In later interviews, Archuleta said he had anxiety attacks and called off engagements to women as he wrestled with expectations to marry in the church and start a traditional family, Deseret reported.

He also described a "faith crisis" after church leaders, whom he saw as spiritual authorities, responded to his attempts to explain his sexuality by urging him to change or remain celibate. Those conversations, he has said, added to his sense that there was no safe path forward for him inside the faith community he had known since childhood.

Archuleta ultimately decided to step away from the Mormon church in 2022, saying he needed distance from religious messages that left him feeling "broken" and ashamed. He has since spoken about finding peace by redefining his relationship with God and rejecting the idea that queerness is incompatible with a spiritual life.

The singer now says he wants to use his story to reach LGBTQ people of faith who feel they have no place in their churches, emphasizing that their lives have value and that seeking help is not a sign of weak belief, as per NBC News.

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