In her new book, Jennette McCurdy discusses her difficult upbringing. 

She opened out about the horrific abuse she suffered at the hands of her late mother in her one-woman performance, "I'm Glad My Mom Died," and she plans to go into further depth in her upcoming memoir of the same title. She is now 29 years old. 

"My earliest memories of childhood were of heaviness, and chaos," McCurdy told People. "My mom's emotions were so erratic that it was like walking a tightrope every day. The mood fluctuations were daily."

Debbie and Mark, Jennette's parents, were in a continual verbal and physical spat, according to Jennette. She was the only girl in a family of four, and she claims her mother developed an obsession with her because of it. 

Jennette, who described herself as a "cripplingly" timid youngster to the publication, said that her mother "always dreamed of being a renowned performer and she got obsessed with making me a celebrity." 

She started attending to auditions and working continuously when she was six years old. "I felt like my job was to keep the peace," she explained. "And I wanted to make my mom happy.". 

Her preoccupation increased in intensity as she grew older. When Jennette was eleven years old, she claimed her mother was bleaching her hair and teeth. 

After Debbie introduced her to calorie counting at the age of 11, she developed a variety of eating problems due to her newfound obsession with the practice. 

Jennette was cast as Sam Puckett in the Miranda Cosgrove-led Nickelodeon series when she was fourteen years old. Anorexia had taken hold at the time. There was a progression from this to binge- and eventually bulimia-related eating disorders. 

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Jennette says that until she was 17, her mother gave her vaginal and breast exams, but she won't say when it started. She also couldn't take a shower by herself. 

"I know if my mom were alive, I'd still have an eating disorder," she told the outlet, claiming she achieved healing in 2018 thanks to intense therapy. "It was only distance from her that allowed me to get healthy."

For the most of Jennette's existence, Debbie was afflicted with breast cancer. In the end, she was cancer-free for a while, but the disease returned in 2010 and now had gone to her brain. 

Because of her mother's strict methods, Jennette, who was 21 when her mother died in 2013, claimed she "was so suppressed and delayed developmentally" as a result of her mother's controlling ways when she was yet alive.

This led her to being rebellious - which meant  having sex and drinking alcohol for the first time. it got so bad that she struggled with both bulimia and alcoholism, until she got assistance to turn her life around. 

While she did not say exactly if this is the reason why she did not join the "ICarly" reboot, she hinted that it could be.

It's a risk to change your life, but I made it my mission," she said, adding that she traded her on-camera life for one where she was much more focused on the aspects of writing and directing.

"I did not know how to find my identity without my mom," said Jennette. "And I'm not going to lie. It was very hard to get here. But now, I'm at a place in my life that I never would have thought was possible. And I finally feel free," she added. 

So while she knows that the title of her comedy show and forthcoming book is jarring and even insulting to some,, it's also "thought-provoking."

"Even though it may seem black and white, there's a fullness to my narrative," she said. "Life can be dark - and messy. Nobody has a perfect life."

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